Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
