dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
