i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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