In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
