shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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