Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
