what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
