My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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