i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
