Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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