I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
