I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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