u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
