Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
