don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
