I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
