Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
