Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
