If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
