Duck Duck Cougar?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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