The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
