I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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