I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
