make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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