my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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