Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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