I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
