lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
