if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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