and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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