I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
