my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
