More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
