Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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