I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
