he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
farters have to be the big spoon...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Randomize
