Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
