I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
