I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
