Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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