Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
