on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
