They should really pass out barf bags in church
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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