But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
