R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
