The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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