Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
