That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
