I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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