you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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